Shabbat at last!

I truly love the Shabbat, even if I don't keep a proper Orthodox Shabbat. There are two great mitzvot with Shabbat, to sanctify it and enjoy it. I am definitely enjoying my Shabbats! I am enjoying the rainbow of children around me this Shabbat as children of my family gather for a morning prayer. I enjoy as we discover Torah together, as we cook, smile, laugh together.

This Shabbat has been the first truly peaceful and content ones for me. After years of struggling with two desires I believed to be impossible, I found the way to fulfill both dreams concurrently.

I found a rabbinical program that won't require me to move, that i can do at my own pace, that Kevin can join me in, and while it is not accepted as valid by Orthodox and Conservative courts, it will be accepted by other. Not that pretty much any program that I would be accepted by would be recognised by the State of Israel, so no difference between this program and any Reform program.

The good thing I can do this part time as I work and save money for the adoptions in the future.

These are the things I rejoice in this Shabbat. Life is good, because HaShem is in charge. Because... Ein Od Milvado.

Tisha B'Av

Tisha B'Av begins tonight at sunset, and with it the fast starts as well. And with the start of the fast the discussions of what to eat to break the fast some 25 hours later also begin.

I have to be honest, this drives me up the wall and keeps me away from shul tonight and tomorrow. How on earth can someone already be dramatically "staaaaaaaaaaaarving" a mere hour after sunset? Or is it just my years in Mormonism with the strict monthly fasts when during 24 (or more commonly 22-23 hours) the only nourishment one got was a bite of breand and a sip of water during the Sacrament that conditioned me to cherish the fast days without much thought of food and drink?

In fact, Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av are among my favourite days of the year. With all the heaviness of these days I still feel like I have more time and opportunity to reflect on G-d than on other holidays. When we put away the sources of everyday pleausure and comfort, there is only HaShem. Ein od milvado.

Thoughts by the sea - The Beginning of the Journey

About a month ago I was sitting on the beach, watching the sea, as the waves crashed on the seashore. It wasn't the usual beach in Tel Aviv: it was the beach where I spent many a summer afternoon as a small child. I was home in Ireland.


The air was cool--much cooler than I have gotten used to in the summer during the last 10 years--and it smelled like the sea: salt, water and sand. It was windy and I enjoyed the feeling of the salty wind against my face.

I felt like I was home.

I have felt that in many different places on various occasions, and that might be because I am home anywhere and a stranger everywhere. I have been uprooted so many times in my life that I'm not really sure what country to call home, what language call my own. Filling out the "Hometown" field on Facebook took me 25 minutes and I am still not sure if the answer is correct.

Sitting by the Celtic Sea the pleasant and oh so familiar scent of the seashore was suddenly replaced by a different smell: the freshly lit Shabbat candle, the lingering scent of challah baking and the cork of the bottle of wine used for Kiddush.

I was sure my mind was playing tricks on me. Shabbat candles, challah and wine corks in Co. Cork? But the scent lingered for me. And it was only me, who could smell the scent of Shabbat. The scent of home. The scent that for me, as a child, meant HaShem. Then another flash of scents: clovers and cinnamon: the Havdala spices and I was back to the salty watery reality.

What happened for me was the real beginning of a new spiritual journey. My own sacred moment with HaShem, who used the familiar scents of Shabbat to separate the Sacreed from the Profane as He let me understand the desire in my heart. And that desire is to learn more about HaShem and live a better life wherever I might be, connected to Him, and finally admitting: Ein od milvado.

"I am home anywhere if You are where I am." (Rich Mullins)

Seeing HaShem's hand in things we don't understand - Aharon Razel

Aharon Razel performing his song כשיבואו לפנות את ביתי Ein Od Milvado.



And he t alks about this song and what it all means to him.